June 27, 2008

panic! at the turnstile

How is it that as soon as my train pulls into the city, I immediately feel frumpy? I almost always have to rush to the station because my footwear decision takes so long. And it's always a bad choice. I should carry bandaids around everywhere with me.

If I'm feeling lazy I will take the 1 down the 9 blocks I could have just walked to get to SVA. A lot of times I am feeling lazy. There was a blind man who I suspected wasn't really blind, who was taking every train I was, including the ones I transferred to. He would stand near the edge of the platform and do a full sweep around him with his blind-man pole every now and then for no reason and hit me in the shins.

"Oh sorry," he would say, very unapologetically. He did this three times. Even when I moved away from him.

His eyes looked normal and alert, darting even. He wasn't wearing those opaque shades either. I don't know any blind people personally, but if the movies are correct, their eyes usually look fucked up. Like spilled milk.
Also, if you weren't moving anywhere or planning on moving, WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY SWING AROUND YOUR BLINDMAN LIGHTSABER SO YOU CAN WHACK UNSUSPECTING BYSTANDERS YOU PHONY SON OF A BITCH.

Just saying. I don't really think he was blind.

My worst fear is that I'll be "punkd" by some new reality show that likes to inflict humiliation on innocent bystanders. I need to stop attracting that sort of attention. Or start carrying around a taser, if not something even MORE humiliating to combat with. Like a large neon-colored rubber dildo I can sword fight with.
I feel that that would backfire on me somehow.

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