July 9, 2008

reasons to feel emotions

So I can get that sensation of my foot being asleep buzzing through my chest like television snow. There are three occasions I can specifically remember this happening to me. Possibly four. Including right now.

They were all upon the reception of unpleasant news. It does gets duller every time.
I feel like last December all over again. I feel like February 2007 all over again.
This, on top of anxiety attacks about life in general... I am surprised I still have an appetite. Perhaps things are not as bad as I feel right now.

I had a long chat with my mom on the train home about "the biz." It would probably be easier but maybe less lucrative to write another play and produce it in the city. If things keep going in the direction they are going in, I may have enough material to write a sad piece of shit play about sad shitty people. I'll call it "Mushroom Cloud of Love."
I'll dedicate it to Henry for plopping his soy milk into his ice coffee the way he did in Veselka this afternoon to which I responded "cooool" when I saw how the milk swirled in the coffee, and he sing-songed "mushroom cloud of lovvvveeee."

If I had one wish right now, it would be to have the ability to wear high heels all day and never have my feet hurt or ache.
High heels = high life.

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