July 24, 2008

science of pretending

I've figured it out. The reason I don't have that many girl friends is because I will always get ditched in favor of needy exboyfriends. Drunk and needy exboyfriends usually. Boo.

I asked myself if I would do the same thing to a fellow sister (sistah?).
And the answer I came up with was DEPENDS.
Actually, it was NO because that would never happen to me. No former beau is ever going to get sauced and go looking for me at some random hour and spill his heart out. I guess that's just not my type. If I had a type. I think I'm still too young to have a type.
I can count all my exes on one hand and if put all in a room together, I highly doubt they would get along or have anything in common to talk about. Except maybe about how I'm a life ruiner apparently.

Speaking of which, the past four days have made me really wonder, what am I doing with this dude? I thought about it and it's stupid and maybe a bit twisted and I should just stop because when it comes down to it I'm only sticking around out of fear, not love. There are several fear-based things you should not do. Staying, is one of them.

A and I had this conversation when we were catching up last week. How you know you really love someone when you can really say that you hate them but you still want to be with them. After 3 years with her man, I'd gather she probably hates him a lot.

I've developed my own principle that if you are planning to hurt someone for whatever reason, or know something that is going to hurt someone but maybe you don't want to hurt them just now, it is best to not tiptoe around it and just do it as fast and hard and as simultaneously as possible in one continuous moment. A sort of Band-Aid situation. They'll appreciate all the time you'll have saved them. It' s a gross feeling to know you are wasting someone else's time.

Also there's a real good chance that the person who you don't want to hurt has already known for weeks what you refuse to admit and is really quite intrigued with what makes you choose the careful words you do.

I figure,
it wouldn't be the first time anybody has made a decision based on what I did or said in the heat of some moment. If that is the case. I need to stop doing that.

Like I said, enough. Enough now.

1 comment:

K-Hawk said...

On culture shock you ditched me for you know what.