September 22, 2008

freewriting [oh and another thing]

Fall is fucking with my head. More than one circumstance pertains way too much to Avril Lavigne. Simone says my dating life is so ironic and wacky and hilarious and I should probably write a book.

Marcel Duhamel says that Humor is the politeness of despair.
I think they're both correct. Please continue drunk-texting me everybody. I save them sometimes.

I am worried about A.
I am worried about B.
I am worried about me.

I totally internet lurked the nokia director because I secretly want to marry him. Just kidding, of course I don't. He's like 37. Juuuuust kidding. Or am I.
Oh yeah, October 6th, check out the installation. Or don't.
I also internet lurked your girlfriend(s). It was really boring. I wonder if people who internet lurk me find it boring.

This week should be very interesting, for the most part. But especially the coming weekend. Simone, you may be right. This could lead to more wackiness. It's times like these I really lament not having my own space. I also lament the inevitability that no matter who's company I find myself in, I cannot form any sort of expectations because I know that as soon as I do I am doomed to be disappointed. It's a reoccurring pattern that convinces me that this is a fact.

I. FUCKING. MISS. Shanaz. Even if she couldn't tell me what I should do, she would always make me feel better about everything. I should email her.

Actually, what it is, is that I have no form of consistency in my life and therefore feel discombobulated all the time. I can only compare and contrast the present to this time one year ago and I'm losing my appetite all over again. I actually considered calling someone back for that date when I thought of this but reconsidered.
I don't want what I had, I don't want what you have. I'd rather you want them instead.
Even though the worst has happened and is over, I still cringe when I think about the gentle injustice that I can only have what I want if I settled for what wanted me.
Don't worry, I'll be over it soon. Sooner than you, anyhow.

Oh. Right. Standards. I have those now.

I will have a real job by Friday. If not, a real job interview. I've decided. It needs to happen.

One time this guy said to me, "Don't be bitter, be better!"
I said, "okay."

And then he got unsuspectingly kick-flipped in the mouth by some other guy trying to breakdance.

This is why I try to avoid giving people advice.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i don't think internet lurking you is boring at all.

-k. tietjen.