November 23, 2008

the swans in rut stand and strut

Somehow I managed to have three desserts last night? Ooh no...
I got wrangled into working much later than I bargained for. Ugh. I am le tired. There was a free chicken sandwich in it for me though. I also found the label-maker and went to town! The town of helvetican puns.

I couldn't resist tarnishing the fresh new unsticker'd plexiglass folding boards that we never use anymore since mgmt has declined in upkeep (but increased in funkeep. RE: free chicken sandwich).

I also labeled my water bottle, the cash register, one of my coworkers, and will probably do more later. Perhaps the safe.

Maybe it's the lighting, or the stale smell, or the sometimes obnoxious passengers, but all the train-riding I do puts me in a strange way. I don't know where it came from, but I got a sudden bout of anxiety or urgency tonight on the way home, but I don't know what for.

I thought of all the things I needed to get done. I came up with nothing. I thought of all the things I wanted to get done. I thought of everything. I thought of all the things that I thought would be done by now. I thought of all the people I haven't seen or spoken to in a while and how abruptly that happened. I thought of all the people I wanted or felt that I needed to talk to and it was a lot... but it wasn't enough. It just feels like a lot. Maybe some things need to be spoken up for, but it won't change a thing so why bother. Or maybe I just don't think anyone would listen. Not in the way I want them to anyway.

It made me think of one time over a year ago I was talking to Lamb. Or he was talking to me, rather. He was dozing off from gin or vodka in my twin bed, taking up the whole thing, and falling in and out of semi-conscious rambling. The same vague uneasy dull sensation.
"What..." he asked. I forgot what I was saying.
Nothing. Nevermind.
"That's okay, little chicken. Maybe one day you'll be brave enough to tell me."
I didn't say it, because I didn't have to. But I thought, maybe one day you'll be brave enough to listen.

This went south real fast.
All I know is that something is lacking and I probably won't know what it is until it isn't lacking anymore. Rutty rut rut.

Speaking of chicken though, there is in the works, a grand return of EL POLLO. Be prepared.

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