December 15, 2008

if uJump, iJump

I am noticing lots of people like to go by alter-egos sometimes. They attribute a whole different person to one side of their personality. As if a person could just switch like that. I mean, they could. But that's some sort of clinical disorder. Sounds like a personal problem...

Beyonce has her Sasha Fierce. Mariah Carey has her Mimi. Elizabeth Taylor has several. [These are all well-established diva ladies, is that supposed to be a common theme?]

I considered the possibility that I could have one. Mostly it just reminded me of that one time this girl I interned with was really terrible with names wherein she could not [or would not...?] pronounce anyone's names correctly even when corrected several times. She kept calling me Sybil. She called one girl named Tricia, "Tree-see-ya." She might have been a bit spesh-ee-al. Or just as asshole.

But anyway, I thought of this over the weekend. I attended a birthday soiree for a co-worker from HQ. I think she was turning 30. Either way, everyone there was 30-something. It was at some fancy bar in Grammercy so I already felt out of place. They booked a private room and played 50cent, Kanye, Katy Perry, and everything you'd expect to hear at a high school dance. Also White Snake. For the memories I guess.
S and I exchanged looks. It's really interesting watching 30-something white females try and dance with drinks in their hands. I was bored immediately. Naturally I then scanned the room for points of interest, finding only one [I felt rude fiddling with the ipod since I didn't really know anyone there and if they'd jive with my taste in music] in the form of some tall, slim modestly attractive bartender wearing a slick marching band- inspired blazer. He reminded me a bit of C who I used to work with at the restaurant.
I ordered my club soda and lime and asked his name. He told it to me with a surprisingly firm handshake. Carson. [What the H is with all these boy-band-named males I keep encountering? WHAT.]
"Carson, you are a very attractive man; that's all I'm gonna say." Is what I told him when he was done garnishing my beverage.
"Thank you," he replied with a grin, "You're absolutely beautiful."
"You're gay, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not."
"Oh, sorry. It's Chelsea. Everyone's fair game for that it seems."
"Nah, this is Grammercy!"
"Whatever, man. This ain't my neck of the woods."
We chatted after that about nothing memorable. He happened to be my age, which was the only noteable factor.
I became bored again.
I went to the girls room with Lo after she sufficiently deemed the party deadsy and wanted to head to another exciting Manhattan night spot that I didn't know or care to go to at this hour. She inquired the status on our golden boy and I briefly recapped the exchange.
"Oh my god, I fucking love that you did that!" she exclaimed, reapplying gloss in the mirror. I could see a new kind of respect for me in her eyes, after just before she was telling me how she respected that I wasn't a drinker [I can never tell if people really mean that or are being patronizing]. "Balls of steel, girl!" she reiterated.

Discussing my new loosely-structured standards with Grossman over a slice of vegan red velvet cake [augh again!] from The Bean yesterday afternoon, I boiled it down to "since the next person I will try to date is most likely going to screw me over anyway, he'd better be damn good-looking!" The man with the macbook sitting at the table beside us got an earful that afternoon.

So that being established, if I were to have an alter-ego at all she would probably be one of those 30-something single white females trying to dance with drinks in their hands. At worst.
At best, it'd be someone who knows what she wants when she wants it and seeks to have it
[That always kind of has slutty connotations, why is that?].
Except that's a bit misleading because I can't remember the last time I really wanted anything, and the only reason I really do anything like that is because I'm slightly bored and just want something/someone to amuse me for the time being.

You know, I think I'll just settle for massive cahones.

1 comment:

Kaitlin said...

my alter ego is the ultimate "other woman".