December 19, 2008

i'll be the one with my heart in my lap

Having attended a "company holiday party" tonight at some fancy catering joint in the West Village area, I was confronted by several facts and events I observed this night:

I have never been in a large room with so many tiny fashionable asian women.
I have never seen so many tiny fashionable asian women with so many dumpy white middle aged dates/boyfriends/husbands.
I have never seen/eaten so many miniature bite-sized pies (apple, pumpkin, pecan)
I don't like raw oysters.
Is free food delicious because it is free or is it delicious because it is free?

At any sort of event which requires "hired help" I always find it in my best interest to become pals/on the good side of said hired help. This mostly includes food servers. I learned this partially from Fight Club. Make nice with the ones who serve you and you don't have to worry about possible food poisoning or ingesting gross things unbeknownst. Or a blue collar uprising.

Also, I used to be a cater-waiter and I have empathy in my heart for those who must don the boxy unflattering tuxedo attire which always seems to be the chosen getup for these places. There is nothing more humanizing than a polyester uniform. And gratuity that you'll never see even though it's mandatory.

I passed the time opting to chat with one bespectacled geek named Spencer who served me pasta in a wine and mushroom cream-based sauce. It was that, or make nice with several Japanese business men whose names I couldn't pronounce or with several of the tiny fashionable asian women all of which had incredibly frail handshakes and told me how much they adore my mother, probably because she's their boss or something.
Spencer told me he was taking online courses from some Nevada University and made fun of me for drinking club soda at an open bar event. He was extremely enthusiastic and nondescript. His glasses did not even have frames. Just lenses.

I watched the 30-something skinny ladies peruse the hot dishes of food, take nothing and walk away, sipping their wine and martinis. I watched the older middle aged businessmen dance to Earth, Wind & Fire unabashedly at 8:10pm. I watched what my life would be like, if I followed in the female family footsteps.

I took a poinsettia plant home. When I got home, my Amazon.com package had arrived.
I really like coming home to packages.

1 comment:

alarm clock said...

its because the food is free..