December 30, 2008

start as you mean to go

They say that the way you spend New Years Eve is the way you spend the rest of the year. So far, this has been accurate. I remember last year, saying how New Years Eve was my favorite holiday and I think there was a probable chance I was kidding myself. It took a year to confirm that piece of unwitting fiction. I had only said it to coax myself into the company of somebody who I barely even think about today. And I think, to fool myself with some sort of hopeful opportunity. I don't do things like that anymore.

My greatest beef with December 31 is that there seems to be enormous pressure to have THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE. Madonna sang about it. Celebrate. Holiday. I hate that song. Several films have been made about it. And while I would like to do just that- have the best time of my life- I know wearily that just because one night is designated for it does not guarantee even a little bit of that. In fact, the greater the anticipation of hype, the greater the disappointment it seems. Even now, I have no plans and no one I know has plans. I would like to just get it over with please, in the most pleasant non-threatening way possible.

I have no resolutions, only goals. Murky they may be, but they all lead to some sort of ultimate success. There are lots of things I want to try and I don't see any good reason why I can't do it now. You'll see. It'll probably end up on the internet.
I only want to be surrounded by positive inspiring influences nowadays. I don't know why I'm feeling this strange dull urgency that I need to make some mark for myself somehow. A greater sense of my own mortality perhaps. Something like that.

I scoured Kmart and Duane Reade in the train station for a watercolor palette and for some weird reason they were both sold out. As in, I saw where they should've been, but there was just an empty space. Coincidental thwart? Hmph.
However I did find this:

Future glue. Do you know what that means? Because I don't. The package implies it's like super glue. But future glue? How does that compare! For $1.99 I decided to see if it could bond my broken serpent ring together.

Time traveling glue in the last aisle of Duane Reade.
This is how early 90s family-oriented action movies start out.

1 comment:

Simone said...

we should just party with stephanie and bake delicious things in ovens with gas and fire.

also, do you want to do some sort of shopping this weekend? i'm in a uniqlo mood.