February 15, 2009

women are meant to be loved, not to be understood

were never married





These are the things you will know from now on.

You will wake up in the morning and have no expectation. You will look in the mirror and think, "it's ok, I just woke up." You will wash up and not look at yourself afterwards, dripping and slick with rubber skin. You will not step on the scale. You won't pick at blemishes.
It will only take you between 5 and 8 minutes to pick out an outfit for the day. There isn't anybody to impress today, but you wear something that makes you feel pretty anyway. You never know who you will meet or bump into.
The music that you play at all times is pleasant and uplifting to your mood and for God's sake stop pressing next, next, next, next on the shuffle. Just let it pick the tracks and play. It doesn't matter anyway, since you aren't necessarily trying to manipulate your mood. Remain neutral. Ready.
Let it, if it wants to.

Check your email. Spend too much time browsing useless things on the internet. You won't buy that, not today. Respond to messages promptly please.

Walk with purpose down the street, but be aware. Make eye contact, but don't linger too long. Don't want to make the wrong impression.

Get to your destination on time. Be productive. Or if you aren't feeling like it, appear to be productive. Sneak into the bathroom, dark corners, hidden places, to text message people you know. It's fun.

Say hello. Smile. Be friendly. Appear available, knowledgeable.
Ask, "How are you?" and standby for a response. Nod.

Everything you do will make enough of a delay in the world to significantly affect the lives of others, probably hours, weeks, months or years later.
There is an Ashton Kutcher film about this. Yes, a film.
There is a scientific name for this. Or there should be. Something German maybe, probably. It seems like the Germans would be the ones to think of names for these sorts of things.
Make one up.

You will think twice about that person with the gray Newfoundland, or the uneven gait or the Scottish accent. He calls you love. It feels nice to be called love, you think. It feels nice to be called love by a stranger. It makes you feel less alone in the world, right there just then.
What's your name, Love, he asks. And you think you just said it. My name is Love.
The word sounds to you like expensive Italian leather couches upholstered with something like silk or suede. Like red velvet cake. Your favorite. Like deep-V tees from American Apparel.

The next person you speak to will see it in your face, your eyes. You are Love. Maybe they will feel it too. Every boy with shaggy hair and dimples will see it. The next time you look in the mirror, you will see it.

Give yourself enough time to catch the train. Believe in the MTA this time. Believe in something. Even if it's just consistency. Believe that you're better than that. That you can do better and you should do better by him, by her, by them. Believe in thank you notes. Believe in sunscreen.
Have faith that the foolish things you've said or done are not irreparable. You didn't mean it, it was just the heat of the moment. Have faith that you will meet again. And that you will be ready when you do. Watch the gap.

Eat food. Not too much of it. Mostly vegetables.
Put yourself to bed calculating the time it takes you to fall asleep to when you have to wake up in the morning so that you can at least have 8 unconscious restful hours. This is how healthy people live their lives. You can be one of them too. All you have to do is want it enough. Most anything is achievable if you want it enough. But even if that is so, don't let other people tell you that you must not want it enough, if they don't think you are trying. That is obnoxious. Take this opportunity to slap a bitch.

As long as you have learned one thing, any small thing. As long as you have something to look forward to. As long as you've kept your promises. As long as you don't have any offending odors and your prescriptions are not expired and your devices are charged.

You will make it.

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