June 13, 2009

what you see in the dark when you close your eyes

There is always cause for concern when two people are in a dark quiet room together. Darkness makes people feel like they can do things they wouldn't necessarily dare to do in the light. And the silence will drive them to do it.

If ever you want to get to someone, just remain in a dark room, with no noise and shut the door. They will crack in mere minutes. They won't be able to take it. They will be so uncomfortable with the silence and the darkness they will probably say something just to fill the void, or act really annoyed but really they are just a little bit scared of why you put them in a dark room alone with you. I mean, do you really blame them?

Sometimes you will notice how much electricity is in the room that you can't see. How suddenly the air between you and other objects and people is palpable. All you need is your breath and warmth to find your way around, a soft echolocation. You will notice the intimacy that invites itself into your dark quiet room. It doesn't wait for your words or your will.

That same stillness that accompanies this sensory deprivation riles up all of your muscles. They curl into themselves, those impatient kittens, just waiting to dart. Each twitch, each adjustment of the leg or arm is an opportunity for another accident turned incident.

The quiet can make you quiet. But the dark makes you brave. It is this combination that is the reason for anytime I've ever thought I may have understood anybody or myself. When I never had to ask Why or What for, and I didn't even want to.

If not for this prime situation, I don't think I ever would've gotten to know you.

I don't think you ever would've said a word to me. Why would you, when you could see in my face how nervous and closed off I was to somebody like you? Somebody who appeared to me like you could eat my heart whole in one cartoon gulp and a belch. I didn't look at you ever, not directly, for fear you would know this, that you could see it in my face.

I couldn't tell if you had realized it yet, but I may have gladly let you.

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