August 27, 2009

oh go on, let them talk you into it

I have been feeling like an asshole 75% of the past 12 hours.
It is the worst feeling. I have a stomach ache.
I hate feeling like the asshole. If everything goes to shit, the only thing I ask from the universe or whichever appropriating source, is not to be the asshole.

The asshole is always last to know. The asshole may not even know that he or she is being an asshole. They will go about their shitty life thinking everything is gravy, not knowing how detested they are. They never see it coming. They are fooled fools, believing things are one way when things are really not that way, and maybe they secretly know that but they won't admit it to themselves until it is blindingly unavoidable and then they are confronted by all the shit. And then they feel shitty for being so foolish and stuff. They feel like this could've been avoided but they just never bothered.

And then assholes listen to depressing music and feel badly about themselves and it feels kind of good to be so indulgent but also worse because they are self-pitying and there is nothing more pathetic than self-pity. Isn't someone else supposed to pity you? No, you are not deserving of pity from others, asshole.

The asshole should've expected this. They knew from the beginning it would end like this. That nothing can be salvaged or altered. Because sometimes things are just kind of shitty so telling yourself otherwise is only going to make it completely awful when the shit "hits the fan."

Come on, asshole, you know better. Don't get too upset. This too shall pass. Probably...

1 comment:

Simone said...

if you were a serious asshole no one would be your friend.

you have friends. no need to worry.