September 21, 2009

put me in your tongue-tie/ Make it hard to say that you ain't gonna stay

Hello. I give a shit about you. I do. A really big one too. I may appear to stare through you, as I stalk past on the road. I'll say God Bless You when you sneeze and I'll make myself as small as possible for your immediate convenience, and I'll sacrifice my own personal space for you.
I'll bum you a cigarette. I don't smoke, but if I did, I would share them with you. Cigarettes are expensive in New York City.

I want to make you laugh so hard you cry. I can usually do this with everybody at least once. If not cry, at least their eyes will get all squinty and shut from the vigor. You will think about it in the near or far future and smile to yourself crazily and everyone who sees will think you're strange. In fact, everyone will wonder why you're smiling all of the time lately.

I am concerned when you look sad or uncomfortable. I will do all in my power to undo the sadness and alienation, but I'll do it in a surreptitious way that looks unintentional and a happy accident or result of some unrelated other thing I did. It will look easy and natural. And I'll be nonchalant and never admit to it. You might be in amazement. But you will probably never mention it. That's okay with me. I'll know when you look at me.

I'll remember everything you say. I'll make sure I emphasize the positive. I'll make you want to stay when you know you can't. And you won't stay, I know. But maybe you'll think twice. Maybe you'll think three times. You may even regret it, though it'll do me no good.

You'll go away to where you'll go, and it could very well be bittersweet. We won't mention it. We'll think about it when you are far away from me and I'm far away from you, and you can't see me blush. You don't have to write and I don't have to sing and we will never know how much we did or didn't mean. At this point, you shouldn't come back and ruin it. You should stay where you are so it will still be nice when I think of your pleasant departure. This heart will grow neither fonder nor colder. Eventually I will forget what the big idea was.

We are two opposites that will never meet. But wouldn't it have been grand?