October 23, 2009

how to be an unemployed diva

  1. Wake up as late as you want. Wake up progressively later every day until eventually you begin to feel badly about how you are wasting your daylight hours. Stop doing that.
  2. Check your email. Look at jobs on Craigslist.
  3. Drink coffee and lots of it. Eat stuff too I guess.
  4. Maybe shower if you feel like it.
  5. Re-evaluate life between shampoo and conditioner steps.
  6. Respond to job listings on the internet.
  7. Feel depressed about it.
  8. Fuck around on the internet some more.
  9. Get dressed.
  10. Maybe leave your house and pound some pavement and ticker-tape parade your resume around.
  11. Feel depressed about it.
  12. Go see a friend so you don't feel more depressed.
  13. Probably spend money on food/activities with your friend.
  14. Feel depressed about that.
  15. Go home and hide.
  16. Check your email.
  17. Look at job listings on Craigslist.
  18. Eat a cupcake. Eat another cupcake maybe.
  19. Play zombie-shooting video games.
  20. Feel good.

2 comments:

DJ Berndt said...

holy shit.

I would be your friend and play zombie shooting games with you. we could drink boxed wine while we are at it.

Sabletooth Tiger said...

Don't forget the 3D glasses.