December 11, 2009

Put the X back in Xmas

Perhaps it's the overstimulating combination of string-lights, sleigh bells, pie galore, rich jewel-toned colors, warm winter beverages, extravagant window displays, and Bah-humbuggery, but there's something about the holiday season when winter is settling in, that all everyone wants to do is snuggle. It's like hibernating of the randy sort. 

And mistletoe be damned! Who needs it? I even heard it might be poisonous (do not eat). Nobody needs an excuse for a proper M.O. sesh, rather what you really need is a good soundtrack. And look, here's one now! A full hour and a half's worth of snogging. My gift to you. Mazel tov, Hallelujah, etc.
I steered clear of way too cheesy stuff like Kenny G sax solos, Barry White, or Coldplay. But I HAD to put Aretha in there. I mean, come ON, it's ARETHA. You must make out at least once to Aretha Franklin to truly say you've lived.

If you've got your eye on a special lady or dude, and are uncertain how to breach the subject, you can either:

a) do it the Love Actually way and go to his/her door arms full of like 10 pieces of poster board with scrawled sharpie sentence fragments about how crazy you are about him/her.

b) Or do it with the succinct advice of Amanda Byne's character in She's the Man (A brilliant rolf-com take on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night in which a girl dresses as a boy to get a boy... yeah):
"No man... if you wanna kiss her... You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock your self out! You just take her... then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her!"

c) Or very simply: say really nice romantic things, bat eyes, make moves. BAM. Fin.

Hope you get a lot of lip balm in your stocking!

(Note the transition of Bon Iver --> Bon Iver & St. Vincent --> St. Vincent. Seamless.)

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