December 20, 2009

show me your

J and I were having a conversation about many things and some things and we both came to an agreement that the entire ambition (instincts aside) of heterosexuals is to just understand the other sex. Since exclusivity in mating and selective pairing is a trait inclusive of humans (and wolves and penguins), we choose our mates based on so many more traits that just superior genes. Or so much less, depending.

Relationships function around the success of how well a couple understands each other, as people and as opposite sexes. Males and females share the same anatomy, except for reproductive organs, but other than that they might as well be different species. The wiring is all the same but the energy source and the information feed is completely different. Or something like that.

None of this is breaking news. But I did realize how little effort I put into trying to understand a male primarily from that very huge difference from myself. I've always thought I could get a pretty good read on an individual, but I don't know that I've ever just tried learning a male for being a male.

I guess this is where all that man-hating/man-eating mentality prevails- when a females views males as adversary and prey, probably as backlash against the primal male instinct to make it with as many ladies as possibly and spread his seed far and wide, no matter how weird his babies will turn out looking.
I have never viewed an entire sex as a sort of alien entity to be feared and approached with caution. People are people. But since living with a heterosexual male roommate and having a homosexual male as a best friend, the differences between the two-- in how we relate to each other and communicate with one another-- is so vastly different and I never thought about it until now. It's not like a gay male will understand me any better than a straight one necessarily, but he shares my taste in a mate, which is already far more in common than I'd have with a straight male.
Space "ownership" and territorial behaviors I mean, are something that we heteros may never quite coexist totally in sync with (Whereas women who live with gay male roommates always seem to have nicer, cleaner apartments. Although, I think my apartment is pretty nice and clean, however I do have a knack for cleanliness and neatness lots of other girls my age don't necessarily share).

Mostly, all of that just nagged the question of whether being "in love" vs. "loving" someone-- I mean, which one means you understand the other sex (if you could only do one)? Which one is more important in the long run? Are they mutually exclusive?
I guess it's an answer that I've never received to a question I never knew to ask. And I wonder if all of my past relationships have failed because I didn't know to ask that question or answer it for myself.

Dramatics aside, how am I ever supposed to find a boyfriend when all I can think of is how we may never understand each other completely? Maybe we aren't supposed to.

Gay people have this totally easy.

1 comment:

DJ Berndt said...

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