January 31, 2011

only the young die young

I want to be around everyone at once and I also want to be where there is no one at all. This is pretty much as impossible to do as it sounds. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is what people use the internet for-- so you can exist all over a place where no one is in physically proximity of you. You can ghost yourself without the messy uncomfortable faux pas of dying (It makes me wonder if health facilities will include "deleting one's social network profiles" in pamphlets as an indicator of impending suicide plans. Kind of like when people give away all their stuff). I watched that Facebook movie the other night and instead of thinking about my sense of personal privacy it only made me wonder what going to a real college would've been like and if I would be doing more career-y things now. Somehow I doubt it.  

Every time I check my email or log into any social networking site, I think the only thing I am actually doing is checking for confirmation that I actively exist. That my existence is a network-wide acknowledgement. Don't be confused. This is nothing like an existential crisis, nothing as complex as that. Just a whole lot of self-concern, or some private abashed egotism. 

A heartbeat just doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Not unless it's a digital pulse. Not unless you're a heat-seeking missile. 

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